you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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