in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
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