i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I am full of burrito and curiosity
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
