Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
