Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
