i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
