and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
