it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
