Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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