the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Randomize
