oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
