So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
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