Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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