so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I want you more than these girls want KFC
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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