$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
