Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
