just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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