I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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