I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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