ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
