I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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