I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
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