I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
