So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
