Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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