The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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