I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
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