Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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