i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
