Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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