I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
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