and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
