he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
