the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
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