tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Randomize
