This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
