Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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