Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
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