After last night, I could never be a politician.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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