The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
