Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
