my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Randomize
