I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
