HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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