So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
