i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
