I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
