you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
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