Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
