my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
