He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
