How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize