yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Randomize
