I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize