But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
