They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
So squirting runs in the family.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
