On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
