i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
