before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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