It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
