smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
It's never too late to be topless.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
