Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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