Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
