Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
wow bdsm is so cute
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