So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
