just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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