Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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