put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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