how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
