oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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