I just made out with a guy for $7.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I don't want my vagina anymore.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
