I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
