just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
