peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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