Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
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