I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize