The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
i wish my penis had a tongue
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
My legs feel like baby dolphins
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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