I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
