The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
