Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
This is the high leading the old right now
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
