Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
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